What Do You Want?
This session of the Bible Study I attend was on the book of John. John was one of Jesus' first disciples. John the Baptist told John and his brother that Jesus was "The Lamb Of God" so they left to follow him...
John35 The next day John was there again with two of his disciples. 36When he saw Jesus passing by, he said, "Look, the Lamb of God!"
37When the two disciples heard him say this, they followed Jesus. 38Turning around, Jesus saw them following and asked, "What do you want?" They said, "Rabbi" (which means Teacher), "where are you staying?" 39"Come," he replied, "and you will see"
I can only imagine Jesus walking down the street with that creepy feeling he is being watched, (don't you hate that) he turned around and "Busted" John and his brother.
"What Do You Want?" The first question Jesus asked his first disciples was the question this Bible Study presented to us.
"What do I want?" This is actually a super tough question for me.
Because We have chosen to live a simple life without a lot of frills, I have learned over to years to keep my needs VS wants in check which is difficult for me to do especially when I am in the Dollar Tree or Brighton stores.
So I began the journey to answer the question. Besides the obvious "World Peace"
I looked to myself and asked. "What do you want Troy?".
I came up with two things I "Want" (Now remember... TROY is writing this blog")
#1. I want cute hair...Cute hair is something that always seems to elude me. I will get what I think is a cute hair cut and it always turns out to be the same thing I had before only shorter. I want cute hair.
#2. I want to be done having periods. I am 40-great, the baby factory has been closed 15 years and I am simply DONE with this whole "monthly visitor" thing. When my friends share about how they are "Done" I cringe because I am still regular like clockwork Ugh!!!.
So this was my prayer, "Lord I want cute hair and I want to be done having periods"
I began praying for want #1. One day after work I had to go to the bank which is right next to a Fantastic Sams haircutting salon. I went in with my lovely kitchen lady do of bangs slicked back into a clip and pony tail and told the gal "Honestly, I love doing my hair" I could just hear her thinking "Yeah right I have my work cut out for me". We looked through books and came up with a cute layered bob design. I don't usually like a lot of layers cause my hair has a tendency to look like a helmet if they are too short. I left the salon with cute hair that within minutes flipped out of the stylists design into its own design. But the cut was different, easy to manage and "cute enough" so I was good to go.
#2 Now I wasn't expecting to suddenly stop having periods so I was not sure where this prayer would lead me. I went to work at my new morning job and my new boss and I were chatting over our weekends. She shared that she had a difficult weekend and that she has been suffering for five years with menopause symptoms, she has extreme mood swings and difficulty sleeping. Her words to me were (And I also believe Gods words as well)"Be grateful you are still a whole woman"
Her words hit hard, but they really encouraged me and I made a vow. "OK Jesus, if you want me to be the bleeding woman until the day I get to touch your robe then so be it and I will be grateful". So with that, I went shopping for the latest mega maxi pads with wings and I was on my way, no more complaining for me.
So I thought my wants were answered, but for some reason I still felt a nagging at my heart, they one morning God gave me a scripture.
1 Corinthians 13:13 And now these three remain, Faith, Hope and Love. But the greatest of these is Love...
The scripture kept popping up over the course of the week in conversation, church and bible study messages and even on TV and I realized what I truly want is LOVE.
"Lord, I want LOVE"
First of all, I want the Love of my immediate family. My heart has been so broken in this area I feel like I can actually die from it. "Lord, please heal my heart and help our family to have Godly Love for each other".
Second,I want Love in my extended family, we have differences that make our relationship strained so "Lord help me to be a constant and true reflection of your Love, please shine through me and onto my family".
Thirdly, I want to Love my friends, I don't want to be selfish, I want to help when it is needed, be lovingly honest in conversation like Jesus was and be a real, true "Friend Of God".
"...The greatest of these is Love"
So I got what I wanted and and even more, I recently went took Eric to a girlfriend that I have known for years for a haircut, she had extra time and I needed a trim and I got the best hair cut of my life. It is amazingly cute and different, (imagine that!)but most of all, she made me feel like a princess and so pampered. I felt so loved.
I have come to understand and embrace my ongoing womanhood and although sometimes I say "Ugh" I put on my monthly "armour" and I no longer dread.
I had a wonderful birthday last week and was shown amazing Love from my friends, my extended and immediate families. I must be doing something right after all...
"...The Greatest of these is LOVE, Lord thank you for hearing and answering your humble servants prayers"
Now how about that World Peace?...